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Chapter 2
I could no longer hear what they were saying. My vision blurred, and my heart raced, pounding in my chest. It felt as if my eardrums were pulsing along with it. Was the woman you loved most always Elaine? What about me? Had you stopped loving her a long time ago, or had you never really loved me at all? I pressed my hand to my chest, gasping for air, but I couldn't let out a sound.
When Lionel and I first met, he was still in love with Elaine. When I transferred to No. 1 High School, everyone on campus knew the story of the star student, Lionel, and the school beauty, Elaine. I didn't know exactly when it all started, but there were rumors that I was the real school beauty. For two whole years, the girls in my grade turned their backs on me. Their vicious gossip pierced me like a thousand knives, making those years feel like an endless dark tunnel.
After the college entrance exams, Elaine was sent abroad, and they broke up. I ended up at the same university as Lionel. He had become jaded, and I was sinking into depression. We were like two wounded animals, nursing each other's pain, carefully avoiding each other's scars, but holding each other in the quietest, gentlest way. Lionel transferred his love for Elaine onto me. He took me to see a psychologist, showed me the world by traveling together, and constantly offered me warmth and validation.
Lionel became a light in my life, and before I knew it, I had fallen for him completely. After graduation, we got married. I refused to accept any dowry from him and bought him a watch with money I'd earned from part-time jobs. My wedding ring was just a simple silver band worth less than $14. We bought a house, a car, and I quit my job to take care of him, managing all the household chores, even looking after my in-laws.
I was lost in the love he had woven for me, firmly believing our lives would only get better and that I'd never leave him in his times of struggle. But in the end, he told me I was only living in a dream of raising him. I was nothing but a clingy vine that couldn't survive without him. All that love, all those struggles, it had been a lie. How could there ever be such a thing as forever?
Five years had nearly worn me down. His face was flushed, and there was a beautiful woman in his arms, living a life of luxury. Meanwhile, I was too exhausted to even wipe the sweat from my brow. Had he ever thought of me? The one who had worked herself to the bone?
I should've known earlier, only I could save myself. Only I could give myself the love and the life he had refused to give me.
The alarm went off at five in the morning. Lionel was still fast asleep. In the past, I would've gotten up to make breakfast, heat it up, and take care of the house. But today, I didn't step into the kitchen. Instead, I washed up, got dressed, and looked at the woman in the mirror. She was only 28, but the fine lines at the corners of her eyes, the rough skin, made her appear over a decade older.
Years of exhaustion and malnutrition had taken a toll on my body, shrinking me.
Lionel shuffled into the bathroom, still groggy, and was surprised when he saw me. "Honey, you're up so early?"
Time didn't leave its marks on him. He still looked 18, handsome, elegant, with that perfect posture. But I knew it wasn't that time hadn't favored me, it was that Lionel hadn't favored me.
"No work today," I muttered, applying skin care to my face, but Lionel sneered behind me.
"Yeah, that's not gonna make you 18 again." His voice dripped with disdain. There was no trace of concern or heartache. Of course, I couldn't go back. Elaine used skincare products that cost thousands, while my toner was barely $1.40 a bottle.
I didn't respond. I just turned and walked out of the room.
"You're ugly and have a bad temper. You're no fun," he grumbled from behind me.
I went out for a three-kilometer run, then walked to the office, panting.
"Emma, running late today?" my boss joked when she saw me in the break room. Her words stung, though. It wasn't easy finding a job I liked, but to make ends meet, I worked myself to exhaustion, unable to do what I really wanted. In the end, it all felt like it was for nothing.
"I won't do that again. I'll work harder," I replied, trying to stay upbeat.
She gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder.
I sat at my desk, barely starting my work, when I got a call from Lionel.
"Emma, why is my shirt still soaking in water? I told you I needed it for the meeting today!"
It was a trivial thing, something so small, and yet he was complaining.
"Why don't you wash it yourself if you care so much?" I snapped, hanging up the phone, trying to focus on my work.
I worked two hours of overtime, then headed home. As I passed a mall I hadn't been to in five years, I clutched my phone tighter and slowly walked in.
I picked out a skincare set that suited me and asked the saleswoman to do my makeup. I stared at the unfamiliar woman in the mirror, seeing myself, for the first time in ages. I didn't need to be polished to be beautiful.
"Miss, you have such great skin. Girls should be kinder to themselves," the saleswoman said. Her sweet words made my eyes well up, and I ended up buying the whole set.
She offered to help me take off my makeup, but I smiled and refused.
When I got home, Lionel looked at me as if he didn't even recognize me. But his gaze quickly turned to anger.
"Emma! What's with this outfit? Are you trying to seduce someone? I've called you so many times. Why didn't you answer? Who were you meeting out there?"