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Chapter12
I woke in a sweat at 5 am screaming from a nightmare. I saw my mum being murdered and then my family beating me again and again in my nightmare. I knew I would not go back to sleep so I got up and got ready for the day and headed downstairs to talk to the Social worker on duty. When I got downstairs Summer was on duty and was waiting for me. It had become a bit of a ritual, me waking early and heading down to chat with the social worker. Summer had already made coffee for me. We sat in the office and spoke about everything and nothing for an hour and a half till Harley and crew came knocking. Harley pulled me into a hug. At first, I would tense when he hugged me but I was slowly getting used to physical contact. I hadn't been hugged since the morning my mother had died. She was the last person to ever hug me before Harley started after he witnessed my first panic attack.
We went off to the dining room for breakfast where my mates all asked again if I wanted them to come to the mediation with my family. I knew they all had work to go to so I declined and did one of my techniques to help calm me down. I kept touching my fingers to my thumb and counting to ten. I didn't want to think about seeing my family. I had enjoyed the freedom in the last two weeks and I knew today would be a setback but I was determined to fight because I knew it was worth it. I couldn't go back and pretend that my family hadn't betrayed me and hurt me physically and mentally. I could never feel safe in a home with them again.
Every one of my brothers had harmed me and so had my father. None of them had even acknowledged what they had done or apologised to me. None of them cared that I was an innocent child. They just believed Harry and left me by myself. None of them took the time to listen to me or even check the footage from the cameras. I was abandoned by my family and they expected me to just pretend none of it happened. I deserved better and would be dammed if I didn't fight for myself. Harley slipped his headphones in my ears and started playing "Praying" by Kesha for me. It's a song I loved and just what I needed to get into the right headspace for today. I smiled at Harley who just nodded. Soon enough it was time for them to leave for work and me to meet Jenny. I didn't eat anything this morning as my stomach was too unsettled to eat anything. Harley grabbed me a sandwich and a green apple for later and then headed off.
Jenny picked me up out the front of the refuge and we were heading to the legal aid building for mediation. I was getting more nervous the closer we got and when we pulled up outside the office I began to have a panic attack. Jenny got the driver to head around the block again to help me calm down by using some of the techniques. It wasn't working at all. My hands were shaking as I was sitting in the car looking out the window to see my entire family, my father, my brothers, Aunty Amelia and her family waiting.
Just as I was about to tell them I couldn't do this, I spotted Harley, Levi, Brad, Tommy and Greg approaching the car. I opened the door after nodding to Jenny and got out of the car. Harley engulfed me in a huge bear hug and whispered "You got this Tilly". I melted into his hug just as Jenny got out of the car. I could feel the eyes of my entire family on me but I felt protected with my friends around me. Harley let me out of the hug and grabbed my hand holding it tightly. Jenny stood on the other side of me and smiled like she knew this would happen. Greg and Tommy walked in front of me while Brad and Levi walked at the back of us boxing me in. We headed up to the door where my family were all watching.
Aunty Amelia stepped in front of the door stopping us from entering the building and said "Matty this is ridiculous we are family and can sort it out without mediation and court. Stop this now before it gets out of hand". "My name is Matilda and as far as I am concerned my family died my dad Harry murdered my mother. Where were you all when I needed you?" I spat. Harley squeezed my hand and Jenny placed her hand on my shoulder before saying "You need to allow us to enter the building. You are in breach of the protection order by approaching Matilda and attempting to have her drop her cases against the Wilsons". Uncle Mark grabbed onto Amelia's hand and moved her back beside him before nodding at me. My friends and I entered the building and reported to the front desk that we arrived. My family followed behind with Mr Black reporting they had arrived.
While we were waiting in the foyer to be called in, my mates were trying to help me calm down by cracking jokes and distracting me. Levi was commenting about how my family looked like stuck-up arseholes and they would beat them up if they didn't stop glaring. Harley didn't let go of my hand at all and was tracing circles on the back of my hand. I looked up and him and smiled. His physical comfort was what was helping. He nodded to me and kept glaring at my family especially Ethan who was staring at our connected hands. Greg went to get me water as my mouth was extremely dry and Jenny was talking with Mr Black as my so-called family wanted it sorted out of court and mediation. We were called into the mediation room and the mediator had to tell my family that only my brothers and father were allowed in. Harley gave my hand one last squeeze before Jenny and I headed into the meeting with my family and Mr Black.