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Chapter15
We had been mediating now for over 2 hours and hadn't reached an agreement. So far it had been agreed that I would not be moving back to the house with my family, I would not have to provide my current residential address either. We had agreed to a weekly session with a family counsellor for all of us to see if there would be a way to have a relationship for us in the future. We were still yet to decide on financial support. I didn't want anything from them whatsoever, that way they couldn't claim I relied on them. I wanted my independence and to be responsible for myself. My family wanted to know which uni I was attending so they could cover the cost and have an allowance paid into my account regularly so I could solely focus on my degree.
My father also wanted to help me get my license and pay for lessons. In my family, it was tradition for each child to receive a car for their 18th birthday. Again I was disputing this as I wanted nothing from them but freedom. I didn't want to owe them anything. My family also wanted my phone number so we could have regular contact and wanted me to agree to spend holidays with them. I couldn't commit to that as I didn't want to be anywhere near the house. I also wanted to be able to choose what I did for the holidays. My family wanted the protection order dropped but I was reluctant because I didn't want them coming after me if I chose to disengage with them.
People are probably wondering why I would give them a chance after everything they did to me, and I get it. This morning I would have told you I would never allow them in my life again. My father kept repeating that they all made mistakes. But this mistake was huge and will impact me for the rest of my life. These people though, were the only connection I had to my mother and I wasn't ready to let my mum go. I know it sounds stupid as my mum is dead but in 20 years would I be happy with completely disconnecting from the only people who shared the same blood with me and mum? I wasn't sure and that's why I am not ready to cut them completely out of my life just yet. I was emotionally drained and didn't want to regret acting on impulse. I wanted them to know what they had caused and by going to counselling I could express to them everything in a controlled and safe environment. After that would I have a relationship with them? I don't know and wouldn't know until a time that I felt everything I had to say had been said. Then and only then would I choose to walk away for good or have a relationship with them on my terms. I knew I would never live in that house again though.
Jenny had called for a break and now we were heading out to grab a drink and some food. My mates were waiting in the foyer for me and as soon as they saw me they all ran over to me pulling me into a hug asking how I was doing and if it was over. Harley didn't let my hand go at all as we walked over to a cafe that was just outside the legal aid building. We found a table and sat down. Jenny and Greg went to order their food while I just sat staring out at the street. Aunty Amelia's son Bryson came over to the table while my friends tried to get me to agree to something to eat. Bryson offered to buy our food for us. Levi was the first to react saying "You think by buying her lunch she is going to forgive you and your family for what you have done?".
Bryson was a year older than me and was the spitting image of his father with chocolate brown hair, tanned skin, wide shoulders and tall probably about 6 ft 3 or 4. The last time I saw him, he was a pimple-faced kid. "Matty, I was a kid you know that. I don't want you to forgive me, I just want a chance to get to know my cousin again. I had no say in what was done, hell we didn't even know about the beatings or anything until you were found innocent and your family lost it. I don't blame you for being angry at them. I am bloody angry for you, but please don't push me away or mum away. You look so much like your mum you know that. Mum wants a chance to know her sister's only daughter. She regrets not trying to reach out to you, please believe me and please let her have a chance to explain" Bryson said. "We were all stopped from having contact with you by Black" he continued.
I finally swung around to look at Bryson, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked like he was a mess. Harley who still had a hold of my hand squeezed me and said "What did you want for lunch TILLY" making sure he emphasised Tilly which was the nickname I now used. Matty was what my mum called me when I was younger cause I always wanted to be one of the boys. I never wanted to play with Sian, Bryson's sister, I wanted to be one of the boys so Mum gave me the name Matty so I would fit in. "What happened to Matty and being one of us boys?, you need to eat Matty so let me get you and your mates something then I'll leave you alone" Bryson said. "Matty was Mum's nickname and I won't have anyone take that from her. Tilly is what my friends call me, to everyone else I am Matilda. As for food, I don't think I could stomach anything even if I wanted to. My mates thought if they want something you can get it for them" I replied. "Ouch, that hurts. Matty used to be a family nickname but I get it, so what does everyone want?" Bryson asks.
They all called out their order not wanting to give up the free food once I gave it the go-ahead and Bryson went to the counter to order it coming back over with a number and placing it on the table. I nodded towards him in thanks. "Mind if I sit here with you guys, the boys are all glaring daggers at me and we haven't spoken since I found out what they did. I'm here for you and Mum and Dad that's it". Levi nodded and pulled up a seat next to him. Did I trust Bryson? No, but he was also a kid when it all went down and had no say in what happened. He tried to be there for me the day of Mum's funeral bringing me food and stuff but was dragged out by Joshua when he got caught. Our food was brought over the table and handed out with a plain toast and a lemonade as extras. Bryson said he got something that he thought might settle my stomach because I needed to eat. With that, everyone began to eat with small conversations happening around me. I nibbled on the toast and sipped the lemonade but remained silent throughout our lunch.