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Chapter19
We were now all in my room listening to music waiting for the phone to ring. My friends were being silly trying to settle my nerves. I didn't know how the call was going to go or what I was going to say but for now, I was just being a normal teenager. Right on 7, my phone rang. I looked at my phone and my mates were watching me.
I answered my phone "Hello" "Hey sweetheart it's Dad. Your brothers are here too" my father said. "Ok" was all I said. This was awkward as hell and I didn't know how to react or what to say. I was being watched by all my friends who were ready to jump in and stop the call if I needed to but I didn't know whether to tell them that or not. "Ummm my friends are here in case I get a panic attack and they hang up on you" I rushed out then realised what I said and turned to Levi who was trying to stop himself from laughing out loud.
Oops someone kill me now. "No problems Matty if it gets too much please just let us know and we can end the call" my father responded. I just nodded "You realise they can't see you right" whispered Brad in my ear. Oh oops "ok and please call me Matilda, Matty was mum's name for me" I stated. "Oh sorry sweetheart we used to call you that as well but I will try to remember to call you Matilda and so will your brothers," my father said.
We both stayed silent for a few minutes before my father cleared his throat. This was so awkward and neither of us knew what to say. I didn't have a relationship with these people and they knew nothing about me any more. Tommy kept trying to prompt me to talk by waving his hands at me and mouthing "talk". "Umm, so how was your day?" I asked. Brad shook his head at me smiling while I just shrugged my shoulders. It was better than silence I thought. "It was good Mat sweetie, sorry. How was your day?" My father answered. "Oh umm good I saw Bryson today, we spent the afternoon together," I said. "Oh, what did you get up to with Bryson?" My father asked. "Oh we went to lunch together. He took me to the sushi train and we got to know each other. He told me about uni and then we went to the beach. He invited me to his birthday BBQ as well" I replied. "Oh sounds like you had a good time. I hope you come to the BBQ it would be good to see you as part of the family again" he replied. "I'm not coming. I don't feel comfortable and don't know if I ever will sorry" I stated. "Matilda I am sorry for what I did, I really am and there is nothing more that I want, than for you to be home with us. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make you comfortable around us again" my father said. "Thank you for saying sorry but it doesn't change anything. This is not about what you want anymore. I need to do what is right for me. This is hard for me. I have hated you all for over 4 years and that can't be turned off with one conversation" I replied. "I know sweetheart, I know. Please just give it a chance. We will go at your pace" he stated. We spoke for a few more minutes about nothing of importance until he said Joshua wanted to talk to me. I said goodbye to my father and waited for him to give the phone to Joshua.
After speaking with Joshua for a few minutes with him asking if I had enjoyed my time with Bryson and asking if I would go to lunch with him which I declined, he handed the phone to Lucas. I had nothing to say to him because he was the one who organised for me to be beaten in juvie. I kept my answer to yes or no and was so tense while talking to him. Harley ended up sitting behind me cuddling into my body while I spoke to Lucas cause my body was stiff. "You don't want to talk to me, do you? Lucas asked. "Hmm," I answered. Lucas sounded like he was going to cry and said "Matilda I am so sorry. Please. I am beating myself up so much for what I did. I need my sister in my life" he sobbed. "I needed my family when I was 13, instead you all turned your back on me. You beat me and paid for other people to do it too, so excuse me for not needing you anymore" I bit out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. If you don't want me in your life I understand but I do love you, Matty. I was a dick for what I did and I will say sorry every day for the rest of my life if you give me the chance to" Lucas sobbed.
None of them listened when I cried for them to hear me, so why should I listen to him? He was sorry yeah well sorry didn't mean shit to the scars on my body. It did not mend the broken me. Did I want them to say sorry? Sure I did, but it didn't glue back the broken bits of me. They didn't know everything I had been through and I hoped I would be able to make them see what they did. Then I may be able to let go of the anger. At this very moment, I realised I was blaming it all on Lucas when in fact it was all of them. He was the one they blamed for the beatings in juvie but did I know if it was just him?
"Lucas I don't know if I can ever forgive you or any of you for that matter. You all hurt me and I don't know if I will ever not be broken from that" I said. After that, Lucas said his goodbyes and handed the phone to Ethan who wanted to play a game of 20 questions. I was reaching my limit so I told him he could have three questions and then I was going to hang up. I had been on the phone for close to 40 minutes but it felt like hours. After the questions, my father took the phone back and told me he loved me and would see me on Friday for the family session. When he hung up I collapsed into Harley. All my friends gathered around hugging me and praising me for getting through the phone call. We decided to get out for a bit and go for a walk before curfew because I felt the walls were closing in on me. So that's what we did.