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Chapter30
I didn't know if I wanted to give him another chance, I mean how many chances do they get? They hadn't given me a chance. I took a deep breath I honestly didn't know what to do, I shrugged my shoulders because right now I didn't want to think about anything. I knew if I did I would have a panic attack in the middle of the street. Bryson pulled me into a hug seeing my distress and asked me if I wanted Lucas to come to lunch with us. I just shrugged my shoulders again and tried to keep the tears away. Why wasn't I good enough for my family?
Bryson pulled away and I kept my head down. "Matilda Wilson don't do that, you are more than good enough. Do not ever think you aren't. I am an idiot, we all are idiots for making you feel like this. We aren't good enough for you" Lucas said before pulling me into a hug. I was stiff, this was the first time I had any physical contact with my brothers since before Mum died. "Matty breathe, I promise I'll never hurt you again. I swear on my life, I'm so sorry so so sorry. Mum would be so proud of you and so ashamed of us" Lucas whispered. I felt his tears on my shirt and couldn't hold back. I let myself go into the hug and cried. Here we are in the middle of the main road at the beach crying. I never thought I would ever allow my family to touch me again and yet here I am hugging Lucas the one who wanted to break me. Yet here he was telling me I was good enough.
Last night Harley and I went out for dinner. Harley had told me he had something to tell me so wanted to take me out. We went to an Italian place within walking distance of the Addison. He let me know that he and our friends had managed to get a house close by and were going to be moving out of the Addison into the house in January, a week before I moved into the dorm for uni. I was happy for them all. The Addison was good but it was never really a home. You couldn't do what you wanted with your space or come and go as you pleased. Don't get me wrong I was grateful for the place to stay, but it wasn't home.
Harley was worried that I wouldn't want to be with him when he moved out. We were so used to each other being there that we would have to get used to not living in the same place. I really liked Harley and was willing to make it work. Did I love him? I didn't know, but I was definitely in love with him. I told him I would come round to his place and would even spend the first night there with him. I would miss curfew but with only a week left of my stay and no other warnings, I would be fine. When we got back to the Addison I snuck into Harley's room after curfew and spent the night with him. I didn't seem to have as many nightmares when I slept with him.
Today I had my first one-on-one session with the therapist and one of my family members. The first session was going to be with Lucas. We had spent a bit of time together with Bryson the other day, but we didn't talk. I was nervous as hell as I didn't know how it was going to go. I also didn't know if my other family would turn up and demand to be involved. I hadn't spoken to them since Bryson's birthday BBQ. I was going to meet with Levi after the session and we were going to head into the city. Levi had the day off which worked out well. We were going to get some supplies for Christmas. We had decided to spend Christmas together. I mean we were all spending it together at the Addison anyway, but the five of us were going to spend the day watching movies and eating junk food.
I wanted to get a small present for everyone. For most of us, it was our first Christmas alone and no one deserved to be alone for Christmas. We weren't technically alone but none of us had anywhere to go. These people were like my family that I got to choose to be in my life. I headed down for breakfast after showering in my room where I saw Levi and Harley whispering to each other. "Morning," I said before kissing Harley on the cheek and messing up Levi's hair. What can I say I like annoying people. I confirmed the plans with Levi during breakfast and took off to the therapy session.