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Chapter32
Today I left early for the session with Joshua. I was doing two sessions today. First thing this morning was with Joshua, and then this afternoon I was doing a session with Ethan. This was the only time John could fit the sessions in before he shut for Christmas. Tomorrow would be my father's turn and I was dreading that the most. I was meeting up with Jenny in between the sessions because the state had made an offer that she wanted to go over with me. She didn't want to discuss it on the phone so I was nervous about what the state had offered.
I got to the office and stopped for coffee. I hadn't eaten this morning, thinking I wouldn't have enough time to get to the session. I had enough time to sit and eat something so I ordered scrambled eggs and toast to go with my coffee. Yes boring but I didn't think I could stomach much more. Today was going to be a long day and most likely stressful, I didn't need to add throwing up to the list of things to do.
I was so lost in thought that I didn't see Joshua sit down opposite me. "Planning on coming up or just staring at your breakfast for the rest of the day?" Joshua said. He startled me out of my thoughts I almost wore my coffee. "Let me get you another coffee," Joshua said. "No it's fine, I should just finish this and head up" I replied. I ate about a third of what was on my plate and just couldn't stomach anymore. "You sure you don't want any more? We can be a little late" Joshua said. I just shook my head no and went over to pay for my food. Of course, it had already been paid for, I just rolled my eyes. These people thought that throwing money at me meant I would come crawling back. I had nothing in juvie and got by just fine, money didn't impress me at all. I had grown up with them and their money but that didn't stop what happened, in fact from what had been said by Harry and Mr Black, money had been the cause of my mum losing her life.
We headed into the therapy session. Joshua started off telling me he was sorry and to be honest I was sick of hearing sorry. Sorry didn't change anything. Sorry was just a word people felt that had to say. Was he actually sorry or did he feel that that was what I wanted to hear? I couldn't help myself and had to ask if was he just saying sorry because he thought that was what I wanted to hear.
At least with Lucas, he owned his shit and faced it head-on, Joshua just skirted around it and didn't address what he did. He grouped them all of what happened and said sorry in a broad sense. After about half an hour of Joshua's dribble, I stood up. John had sat quietly the entire time but now was watching me intently. "If you can't face what you have done and accept it, then why are you here? I don't need your half-arse apology on everyone's behalf. Stop pussyfooting around. I have wasted enough of my life on untruths, I won't waste any more of it" I said.
John nodded at me where as Joshua seemed shocked. What did he think? You either are in this fully or don't waste my time. "Maybe this was a waste of time" I whispered and started to head to the door. "Wait can we try again? I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to forgive myself for what I did to you. I don't blame you for hating me, Matty. How can I ask to be in your life when I don't deserve to be in yours?" he said before dropping his head in his hands. "That is the most real I have seen you be ever" I said to Joshua before sitting down and finishing out the session.
After finishing the session I headed to Jenny's office to discuss the offer which the state had proposed. I didn't care about the money, I just wanted them to acknowledge they had stuffed up and that they would be held accountable for the beatings I received in juvie. I wanted justice for myself and to show people I was worth fighting for.
Jenny was waiting for me and pulled me into her office. She got straight to it saying the offer was shit and she wanted me to approve a counteroffer. She wouldn't even tell me the amount of their offer, but the counteroffer she wanted to put in was 4 million dollars. She wanted me to be able to buy myself a house and get through uni without having to worry about whether I could afford my books and uni supplies or not. She didn't know if I would get it but she assured me there was no harm in trying. Jenny had been representing me pro bono. She would get a cut of any money I was awarded, but she honestly deserved it all. She and Greg had saved me and for that, I was thankful and would hand over the entire settlement to her and Greg, so they knew how grateful I was.