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Chapter33
After meeting with Jenny, I headed back to therapy to meet with Ethan. I was just ready for the day to end and didn't want to put up with half-arse attempts to say sorry. I told Ethan straight up that if wasn't here to show genuine remorse and own his shit that I was leaving. Both he and John were surprised I had just come out and said it, but I was honestly done. I just wanted to go back to the Addison and sleep. I had Christmas presents to wrap and things to organise for the carols and for moving into the dorm.
Ethan was quiet for a few minutes before he spoke up and actually asked me if I wanted to be here or if I was just wasting time till I was 18, so our father couldn't force me into the house. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I mean I couldn't deny I didn't want to go back and using these sessions as a way to stop being forced back was smart. I actually told him I would never step foot in the house because of what had happened there. He got it and he faced the reality of the fact that he and the rest of my family were part of that reason. It was truly my house of horrors even though I had great memories there. We made progress but we would need more sessions to get to a point where I would hand over my address or call him a friend. I was thankful when the session ended so I could head back to the Addison and sleep.
Harley and I are currently on our way to meet Bryson and Lucas at the local carols. I'm so excited about this but at the same time sad. This is the first time I'm attending the carols without my mum. Bryson offered to pick me up but I don't want Lucas or any of my brothers to know where I am staying.
The session with my father ended with me getting up and leaving. He just didn't want to listen at all. It was all about him deciding what I was going to be doing. He had told me I was going to be there for Christmas. He also told me that I would be moving back into the house and that I would apologise to Aunty Amelia and Uncle Mark for ruining Bryson's BBQ. Needless to say, I lost it at him. I told him that I would never forgive him for what he did to me. I told him that he could shove his Christmas up his arse because he either wanted a relationship on my terms or he could forget he has a daughter at all. I also told him he didn't deserve the title of my father for what he did to me. You can't abandon someone and then demand they return to your life.
John tried to get my father to listen but he just didn't get it. He kept insisting that what happened was in the past and would never happen again. After I walked out I had no intention of seeing my father again. John rang me that afternoon to check in on me. He apologised for how the session went down and said he believes keeping my father away from sessions with my brothers would be best. He asked if I was willing to try again in the new year which I was very reluctant to do. Why would I when my father didn't want to hear me?
It was decided that I would write him a letter which outlined what my father had done to me, how it made me feel and what I wanted from my father. John would read the letter to him in a session and see how it went, if John thought he was open to changing and heard the letter he would let me know. I was not going to hold my breath at all. My father had been bombarding me with texts and phone calls since I walked out of the session. I was tempted to get Jenny to file for the protection order again so he would leave me alone.
We get off the bus and head towards Bryson and Lucas. I was happy no one else was here. It meant that I could slightly trust Lucas and I trusted Bryson already. Harley and I had brought some snacks for our picnic with us. I also had some Christmas hats for all of us to wear. We headed for the park and found our spot getting comfortable.